Happy Dad - Oscar Bamwebaze

Happy Dad, Sad Dad

 Helen Keller once observed that, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.” This was echoed by Democritus when he said, “Happiness resides not in possessions and not in gold; the feeling of happiness dwells in the soul.” It is not what happens or does not happen to me, what I have or do not have, who I am with or not with, where I live or do not live, what I eat or do not eat, what I wear or do not wear, which determines whether I am happy or sad. Ultimately, it is my perception of life events and reality, which makes me happy or sad, depressed or joyful, suicidal or serene, alcoholic or sober. 

  I have had many fathers in this lifetime, and at any one point in time, there has been a happy dad and a sad dad among them. As expected, they were always in disagreement. This is their story: 

My sad dad used to say that, “what matters in this life is that you have a rich dad and not a poor dad”. My happy dad differed, arguing that, “what matters is that you have a happy dad and not a sad dad”. My sad dad taught me that life is short and we must extract the most out of it before we perish. But my happy dad firmly believed that this is a long life without end, and that there is time enough for everything. “There is no need for panic, haste, greed or despair.” He would say smilingly, “Make it a habit to take it easy. You have all the time in the universe to struggle for whatever you need, but never enough for whatever you want.”  

My sad dad used to tell me that, “money isn’t everything, but it is more than everything!” My happy dad disagreed, arguing that inner contentment with whatever you have or do not have, is the key to everlasting happiness. 

My sad dad was of the view that this world only remembers the rich and famous; my happy dad pointed out that this world recalls, with reverence, those who made a commitment to serve others.

My sad dad vehemently argued that, “In this world, there are no miracles but only business stunts by religious quacks.” My happy dad was upset to hear this and he observed that, ‘everything in this world is a miracle, and everyone who didn’t die yesterday is an even bigger miracle.” 

My sad often bellowed out his inner conviction that this world is a jungle and you must take care of yourself, almost always at the expense of others, because the ends always justify the means. My happy dad couldn’t stand to hear this, ands he would whisper to me silently, “This is a beautiful world, and we are all here purposely to take care of each other. Love is the cement that binds us.” 

My sad dad used to say that, “you can fool the world and not only get away with it, but get paid for it on a regular basis. My Happy dad disagreed, arguing that “you can dress a skunk but the world will spot it, and you can paint a hyena but can’t hide its smell” 

My happy had a habit of telling everyone that, “there is no point in being rich if you are sad, or being sad if you are rich!” But my sad dad would tell everyone who cared to listen that “happiness without money is a mental illness.” 

My happy dad and sad dad each had their creeds. Before my happy dad passed away he said, softly: 

God makes no mistakes, and if you are here today, he has a special purpose for you. Love yourself, for you are much more important than you think. Work hard, but think harder, for the answers to the world’s problems are always simple. 

Don’t fume or fret over the troubles of this life, for the world is the way it is because of the way you are; If you want to change the world, change yourself. Be kind and compassionate to others, do not be obsessed with your own needs or wants, reach out to those who are suffering, strive to be fair in your thoughts, words, and actions; pray for others before you pray for yourself; be quick to forgive and slow to anger, and as a rule, let the purpose of your existence be to serve God and humanity. Always remember that in so doing, you are helping yourself, for we are all one person, one life, one breath, and one being. I am you, you are me, and we are them. You get out of this life what you put into others. That is why you are here.

My sad dad had his own way of perceiving this life, and shortly before his painful death he said: 

Hyena shit walks and money talks- all the time, so let the wise men rant on their empty stomachs, as we ‘smoke the dime’ away. Your neighbor is your enemy, because if you do not eat him alive, he will eat you, and that’s why we have got the police, military, politicians, and prisons. The only person you can trust in this life is a dead man, you can’t even risk trusting yourself. Where there is money, there should be no love. Life is a business, and business is life. Every smart man, including God, makes money off other people’s sweat; don’t waste your time on charity, unless if you are being paid for it. God gets more than his cut every day, and that’s why he needs the church, mosque, temple, or other business premises everywhere there is mankind. Love is a business idea, don’t take it lightly. Use it when you can. 

My sad dad hated my happy dad, because, in his humble opinion, his sentimentalism ridiculed this business of life. My happy dad loved my sad dad, and he always said that, “a cow can not give birth to a pig; your sad dad is the unfortunate product of a sad ancestry. Let’s pray for him, for it is only God, in his kindness, who can turn a pig into a cow”.  

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