I AM 14 YEARS SOBER TODAY - Oscar Bamwebaze

I am 14 years sober today, but I am not rich or famous, and yet I know of very many alcoholics/ drug addicts who are richer and more famous than I am. I live in a two roomed apartment surrounded by many other similar apartments in a crowded enclosure. Half naked kids are always playing in this enclosure, and they pee on my wall and shit on my veranda. I have few friends. I live a lone. I am just recovering from a cold. I can’t eat diary products, eggs, or refined sugar. Right now, I am preparing to eat my dinner and it is comprised of tangerines, carrots, tomatoes, an onion, whole wheat bread and pea nut butter. In other words, I still have problems. So, why am I still sober today? What is the difference in between my alcoholic days when I had problems, and my sober days today when I still have problems?

 

The difference lies in the nature of the problems that I have, my capacity to solve them, and the quality of my life. When I was an alcoholic I had a scary list of problems: I was constantly afraid of being arrested by the police again ( I had been arrested twice); I had a long list of fair weather friends who didn’t really care about me, and about whom I really did not care; I had no apartment of my own because I could not afford the rent; I couldn’t afford the rent because I was unemployable; I rarely ate anything because I always had no appetite for anything except booze; I consumed very unhealthy foods: I took a lot of refined sugar in my coffee, I ate things like doughnuts for lunch and supper, I rarely ate fruits, and I generally did not care about eating a balanced diet.

 

I was on bad terms with all my family members. Very often I had no idea as to where I was going to spend the night, and I could not guess as to where I would end up the next day. I had no time table. I basically did whatever came to mind, or whatever others suggested to me. I was almost always sick, but because I was almost always high, I could not tell that I was sick.

 

I was unhappy most of the time, and I hated to think of the future, because as far as I could see, it was bleak and dark. I had no short term or long term plans for my life. I just lived from day to day, comforted by a sea of dreams which were nothing more than fantasy. I knew that I was going to be rich soon, but I also knew that this was fantasy boosted by alcohol. Many of those who knew me went to great lengths to avoid me. I was almost always in trouble. I said things that I did not intend to say, and sometimes I could not even remember what those things were! I hurt people’s feelings, and completely forgot that I had hurt them. Because of this, I just couldn’t understand why certain people were hostile towards me!

 

I had debts in many shoddy pubs, and I was constantly trying to avoid ending up in such pubs. But because I had so many debts and couldn’t keep truck of those pubs where I was a wanted man, I sometimes ended up in these joints. The pub owner would blast me for hours, and I would plead for mercy on my knees. I had a low self esteem and I kept doing the very things that would lower my self esteem. The quality of my sleep was poor. I could go on and on.

 

Today, I don’t owe anybody anything. I don’t have a single debt anywhere. I am fully and totally self sufficient. I take care of my bills and even have enough left to give away. I give out eggs, sweets, fruits, shoes, clothes and other things to the kids and adults in my neighbourhood. In this enclosure, no one gives out more things than me. I am a foundation of some kind.

 

I care about what I eat and I choose what I eat. I have not taken refined sugar for more than two years now, I don’t take diary products or eggs because I suffer from a food intolerance of these things, and I eat a balanced diet every day.

 

I have a time table and I continuously revise it. I have short term and long term plans. I exercise regularly. I intend to live up to the age of 120. I have a high self esteem and I only do those things which boost my inner sense of self worth. I have the right kind of friends- those who enhance my self growth rather than impede it. I now spend most of my time bringing meaning to the lives of others. I have been a counsellor for more than twelve years, and a journalist for ten years. I am a psychology graduate (honours). I have worked in Asia, USA, Europe, Uganda and Kenya. I am gainfully employed as a consultant in my field. I am an author.

 

I have been in meaningful intimate relationships. I always maintain a conscious contact with my God. I don’t hate anybody. I am content with whatever I have, or do not have. I love this life, and will also love the after life. I look forward to the future and I know it is bright and real. I rarely fantasize. I take good care of my health and will treat any illness as soon as I detect it. I regularly visit my doctor, an ENT specialist, and my dentist.

 

I am a billion times happier today than I was 14 years ago. Even if I lost every material thing that I have today, I would still be a billion, in fact a trillion times happier than I was when I was an alcoholic.

 

This is all I have to share today. I hope you will all lean back in your seats, take a deep breath and say, in chorus and in unison, “Thank you Oscar for sharing. Keep coming back. It works if you work it.” It is those very words that got me this far, and that will take me even further until the end of time (which never ends.)