I Lost My Job - Oscar Bamwebaze
The Challenges of Unemployment
Alcoholics are notorious for making shallow commitments. They make countless commitments to quit drinking, but they never last. This has a lot do with their troubled childhood. Because their parents were not committed to them, they have no frame of reference of what it means to make a deep commitment. They may find it quite easy to quit drinking, but they can not maintain this state of sobriety. We have already observed that, more than 90% of alcoholics who quit drinking relapse at least once in their lifetime. To a certain extent, these alcoholics set themselves up for failure, because when they make a commitment to stay sober, it is on condition that life unfolds in a certain way. In their childish way of dealing with life, they anticipate certain rewards, and will break their commitments if these are not realized. For example, an alcoholic may quit drinking on condition that his marriage remains stable, or that he gets employment, or remains in good health, or rescues his reputation, or does not encounter any significant tragedy in life. When this doesn’t happen, he may sink into a deep depression, give up on living a sober life, and relapse. These people do not realize that any commitment which is not unconditional is at best a shallow one. The degree of commitment which an alcoholic makes to his treatment, determines his chances of recovery, regardless of the type of treatment he chooses. In fact, in many treatment programs for alcoholics, anything short of a 100% commitment doesn’t bring about healing.
The Healing Power of Self Love (P.409)
A cool mid morning breeze whistles through the leafy branches of the tropical trees which engulf me. Every now and then, a bird calls out in a thrilling tone to its colleagues. In the background, carefully cushioned by innumerable other voices of nature, are the euphoric sounds of insects and other rare creatures. It is a working day, and I am sited by my laptop, at my parent’s home, working on my next book. It is a great relief to be here, for the environs in which I was domiciled a short while ago, were a night mare in comparison to these.
Three weeks ago, I lost my job. There had been no prior warning from my employer, who waited until pay day, when all my bills had piled up, to give me the sad news. She had hoped that, unable to cope with such a tragedy, I would crumble mentally and despair over life. Such sadism is prevalent among Ugandan employers. But despite this cruelty on her part, I had been observant enough to notice 6 months ago that I was likely to lose my job. There are many things I could have done to retain it, but each one of them required me to compromise on my professional ethics and personal moral principles!
My unemployment has brought to light the challenges of a new world, which many people are ill equipped to handle. This is no doubt one of the leading problems of this century. “If I am not rich by forty,” said my jobless cousin who is also domiciled in my parent’s house “I will give up on life”. “Why do you quit your job when you do not have another one?” is the frequent phrase hurled at me by ‘concerned’ individuals who happen to learn of my joblessness. They do not even bother to find out what really happened to me, nor do they have the capacity to empathise. “We will never go to Afghanistan,” say some of my colleagues in a security company that plans to deploy us in a US green zone in Afghanistan, “this is scam and we have been reaped off.” It appears that the world is an unconscious victim of a pandemic of negative thinking.
Because, like Nelson Mandela, I have learned to become fundamentally an optimist, I pay little attention to such negative statements, and when I do, I counter them with a barrage of positive thoughts, words, and ideas.
Many alcoholics and drug addicts relapse into drinking/ or drug use when they are struck with unemployment. Many others choose not to sober up because they can not deal with the challenges of unemployment with a sober mind. They have been conditioned to think that life is meaningless without employment, or that they are helpless and powerless over their joblessness.
I am of the view that with or without employment, life is meaningful, and self employment is a realistic alternative. I have been applying for jobs on a regular basis, and I am very confident that I will get a better job soon. In the meantime, I have begun working on my next book, which I am deeply convinced will have a good impact on humanity. In addition to this, I have started researching on investment options, and toured some of my land, on which I intend to carry out some income generating activities. With this state of mind, everyday is a busy day and it leaves no room for self pity or self loathing.
Having been a victim of depression once, I am at a risk of being depressed again if I do not maintain the right mental attitude. To maintain the right state of mind I have to make it a habit to read, watch, listen to, and engage in activities or things which enhance my inner sense of self value. In addition to this, I have to frequently interact with people who think highly of me (whether I am employed or not), and with whom I share a common belief, ideology, or vision. In other words, I have to avoid people who rub me the wrong way, or who have a negative mental attitude towards life, or who do not think I am valuable. I have begun to do these very things, putting in more effort than I did in the recent past. In The Healing Power of Self Love, I observe that:
Sometimes an inner sense of self value may be acquired in adulthood, but this is often an uphill task, which most people can not achieve. In such cases, it may be acquired through the help of a loving network of social support, or therapy, but even then, it remains very fragile. Because of this fragility, it has to be maintained by the constant presence of socially supportive others, and by staying firmly rooted in the newly acquired frame of mind. Should we be deprived of this support at some future point, we may revert to our old ways because self-destruction is learned behaviour, and what we have once learned, we can always relearn. This may explain why some people with long term sobriety suddenly relapse and/ or die of alcoholism, when they alienate themselves from their networks of social support. Such heart breaking cases are well documented in A.A and other self help groups for addicts. When self love / self value is acquired in adulthood, the people with whom we closely associate continue to greatly determine whether we revert to our self-destructive lifestyle or not. In this case, our inner sense of self value, though seemingly robust, may have feet of clay. If we frequently hang around people who abuse us, or who do not value us, we may lose sight of our inner sense of self value and turn against ourselves in self hatred. At such times, we may feel the overwhelming urge to once again retreat into our once familiar world of fantasies. (P.42)
Even with a positive mental attitude, there are challenges to be dealt with, pains to experience, and things to let go of. I was saddened by the loss of my job, but the time for mourning had its definite end. I can not continue to live the same way that I did when I had a job. I have to make important sacrifices in order to adapt to the new changes in my life. I have to forego many of the luxuries that I was accustomed to, if I am to survive. I have cut down my expenditure by 90% and I go to sleep happily every night.
I look on the bright side of my situation everyday. My job was beginning to take a heavy toll on my health. I suffered from frequent respiratory infections for two years, not only because I was working with children, lived in a very humid apartment, but also because my employer and workmates were very stressful people by nature. My work environment was extremely dysfunctional. From the time I lost my job, I have been in perfect health, stress free, and much happier. This is ironical but true. I lost one thing but gained a lot more! It is a daily relief to know that I do not have to tolerate my boss’s attitude anymore, just as I do not have to hate her.
I now have the time to go to the gym and lift weights, jog frequently, rest more often, work on my next book, attend to my clients, seek out greener pastures in lands far and wide, interact more intensely and frequently with my family, and to exert more effort towards my spiritual growth.
The man who helped me to sober up almost 15 years ago used to tell me time and time again that, “In God’s world, nothing happens by accident” and he would add smilingly, “whether it is clear to you or not, life is unfolding as it should. You are where you are today because that is God’s plan, and if it doesn’t make any meaning to you today, it may do so three years from now. As long as you are at peace with your God, life can only get better.” These words are deeply etched on my peaceful mind, and they have become the bright light which now guides me to higher ground. I hope and pray that you too may borrow them from me at no cost, and etch them as deeply as you can on your peaceful or troubled mind.
http//www.writersownwords.com/oscarbamwebaze
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