The Writer's Washroom Annex

2004 JSU Juried Student Exhibition Competition (artistic) - Planet Weekly

This small piece is one of the most formative of my career so far - if not for anyone else, than for me.  My friend and colleague at Planet, Talamieka McNeil, gave us the heads-up on this arts competition at JSU, where she attended school.  As a fan of the arts, I decided to cover it with her.  However, as someone who had been to all the other student museums in the area, I was ready to be disappointed.  (Sorry if this upsets people from the other schools, but it's true.)  I was blown away by the quality of art from Jackson State, and I believed then what I believe now:  the best arts program in that part of Mississippi is there.  I was also blessed to meet Lorenzo Gayden, a young man whose talent comes as an embarrassment of riches.  I've given him press several times - and he's deserved it each time.  Sanaa Gallery is his, and I consider him a friend.

"2004 Post-Election Blahs" (column) - PW

I don't think this one needs any explanation.  I'll just say that four years later, the world's a lovely place...

"Adrift on the Stream of Consciousness" (column) - PW

Wow.  Janet Jackson, Arsenio Hall, and "Yes, Dear" all name-checked in the same column.  Sometimes folks, the pop culture references kill the first time out - and then kill you in the long run.

"Afterword" (short film script) - part 1

Co-written by Thomas Beck

This was the first script I ever (co-)wrote.  Tom and I worked well together, and there is no way to tell who did what.  We both came up with ideas, cut lines, trashed each other's lines, trashed our own lines, and - at times - came up with the exact same bits of dialogue.  This can't even be broke down as to who did what draft.  We did first draft, second draft, and we did the rewrites.  It's completely shared, feels like me, and feels like him, too.  It's one of my favorite pieces.  I hope someone, someday takes a shot on this.  It's about 26 pages and separated into 3 sections, due to formating issues. 

"Afterword" (short film script) - part 2

"Afterword" (short film script) - part 3

The American Astronaut (indie movie) - PW

This is one of the strangest indie movies ever made - and one of my favorites.  I was sent a copy to watch before calling and speaking to the filmmaker.  It was one of my favorite pieces.  He was astonished at how warmly Jackson reacted to his very bizarre movie. 

David Banner interview (rap artist/producer/actor) - PW

This interview was arguably the one I was best known for - and one of Planet Weekly's most memorable.  Banner's record company linked their websites to our website, resulting in hundreds of comments from people who had no idea who we were.  This being Mississippi, we also had a few disgruntled caucasians who lambasted us (me) for wasting paper & pixels on a 'guy who just makes stupid noises over thumps and calls it music.'  The fact is, David Banner is one of the most intelligent people I've ever met, in any capacity, and one of the best interviews ever.  He says what he means and he says it well.  He couches it in language that his audience will listen, though, and anyone who doesn't get that is the one with the intelligence issue.  I found him to be direct, generous, talented, and really very smart.

"The Basement" (short film script) - part 1

This is about a 30-page short script.  I don't want to tell you which genre it is, since to do so would spoil it.  It's separated into 3 parts, because of formatting issues.  This has never been made, never been seriously discussed.  But I really like this one.

"The Basement" (short film script) - part 2

"The Basement" (short film script) - part 3

"Bumper-Sticker Politics or The Band That Scared Your Mom Has Sold Out" (column) - PW

This one is dated, too, but because of the ads I mention.  I'll also mention that at least one blogger out there plagiarized my column, lifting my lines about Iggy Pop word for word.  It was pointed out to Planet Weekly by half a dozen different readers, who found two sites that had done it.  One had written-and-displayed two weeks after me, and the other was done five weeks later.  We don't know if the second guy plagiarized me or the other guy, which is why I said there was "at least" one blogger who ripped me off.  I don't care.  It's nice to have written something good enough to have been stolen.

"Choose Your Own Election" (column) - PW

This was fun.  It also got mentioned on other sites and a few political sites linked to it.  But nobody plagiarized this one.  I greatly enjoyed writing this one.  There were calls for a sequel, but I knew this was a one-time-only deal. 

"Civil Unions" (column) - PW

This was one of my serious columns, regarding a situation about which I feel very strongly.  Living here in Calfornia in the days of the abominable Proposition 8 passing makes me glad I wrote this 5 years ago.

David Cobb interview (2004 Green Party candidate for President) - PW

If I'm being honest, this is probably my favorite interview of all time.  One day I was off and got a phone call from Carey Miller, our editor-in-chief.  He asked if I wanted to interview David Cobb, the Green candidate.  I said I would.  He asked if I could do it an hour and a half.  I agreed to do it, did a fast bit of research and met Carey, Mr. Cobb, and Mr. Fleitas at a tiny old cafe on Farish Street in downtown Jackson.  Planet Weekly had long given space to candidates of the smaller parties, and we had a longstanding relationship with the state's Greens.  As such, I was lucky to already have a good background of Green politics and Mr. Cobb proved to be a very knowledgable interviewee.  I didn't go easy on him, which prompted an off-record interruption in the middle to ask how many words we were going to use.  I told them we were going to do 1500 words in print and 2500 online (our issue was already planned - and this was a bonus we had to squeeze in there).   When we were finished, Mr. Cobb thanked us and said he was used to getting a thorough interview in New England, or Washington State, or California, but not anyplace like Mississippi.  I won't lie and say I voted for the man; in fact, I told him I wasn't going to.  But I will say I understood him and think the world of him.

"Conventional Migraine" (column) - PW

Sometimes it really does go this wrong.  I put this one in, because it has one of my favorite lines of all time - the Triumph of the Will one.  It's also here because I wanted to admit that sometimes - by my own damn fault - that I'm caught flat-footed and have to fake it.  (As my buddy Tony would say, "I'm dancing as fast as I can!")  The editors at Planet accompanied this piece with my favorite picture of all time:  Gov. Schwarzenegger, with the cutline:  "Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of the women."  I nearly wept with joy when I saw it in print.

Cowboy Mouth (Yall Magazine)

This was my most contentious piece ever.  The editor of Yall loved the idea.  The band loved it (and the publicist loved it, of course).  Tom Beck (who did the photos) and I met them in New Orleans, I wrote it, and we submitted our work.  The photo editor kept asking Tom for different shots - the editor had no idea what he wanted, and was apparently still in college.  The editor I was dealing with had left and the publisher was running things.  He decided that he wanted a Southern People and bumped this story without notice for one issue.  No big deal, except that, in doing so, the band released a live album in the interim and their publicist wanted that in there now.  Further troubling things was that the publisher changed his deadline for work three times, finally calling me and saying he needed a rewrite and could I do it in 10 days?  I told him I could.  He called me 2 days later and asked where it was.  I told him I still had 8 days.  He said he meant 2 days, but said 10.  I sent him a rewrite, which someone reedited, and they published it.  This is the version I originally submitted.

"Crossroads Film Festival Post-Game Report" (column) - PW

This was the first column I ever wrote where I threw the rules away.  It's about 95% true.  I just don't remember what's untrue now.

"Deserve Versus Desire" (column) - PW

I received a lot of notice for this early column - not all of it good.  Whereas the editor of Jackson's biggest alt-paper praised it to me (and to others), other people called me a socialist and anti-American.  Of course, not knowing me, they didn't realize I couldn't care less what they thought.  I will say it's becoming clear to the populace that the economy that we are dealing with right now is not the fault of the poor, and that maybe those rich people who deserved the platinum cards and tax breaks really are to blame.  I feel pretty prescient about this.  A little wistful, too.  This is one of my personal favorites.

El Primero Hotel (press release)

This was the only press release I over wrote to break the standard short-n-simple form.  When I helped my girlfriend first move to So-So Cal, and I was still living in Mississippi, we ended up staying several nights at the El Primero Hotel - which is really a casual Bed-and-Breakfast - and were blown away at how nice the Roque family was.  The owners impressed us.  Four members of the family ran it while we were there - both parents and two of their daughters.  Father Rufino "Pie" is active and well-respected in the Chula Vista community, and together with Sol, his wife, they make a formidable team.  While I was there, I spent many happy hours writing on their patio - which is simply beautiful.  During several conversations with members of the family, I offered to do the press release for the people who ran such a wonderful place.  Yes, the release is out of the ordinary, but so is the El Primero.  It also garnered them some attention.  And for the record, the patio at the El Primero is my all-time, no-questions-asked favorite place in which to write. 

"A Farewell to Johnny Ramone" (column) - PW

Two things about this column:  the first is that when it came out I was well-known for mixing pop-culture with politics.  At Planet, we had a neo-con columnist.  He could write very well, but he was also a tool that didn't know when to shut up.  He ignored everything I said to go online and try to start something, asking if I knew that Johnny was a Republican.  Of course I knew.  I'm a Ramones fan.  Johnny Ramone was one of the best-known conservative rockers ever.  I don't care.  He was a guitar god and that's what I was writing about.  Idiot.  The second point is that I name-checked Ja Rule, and man, did I get that one wrong.

Jay Fleming (artist) - PW

All I need to say about Jay Fleming is that he has an abundance of talent and a geniunely whimsical way of looking at the world that you want to share.  I have a few of his signed prints that I'm proud to own.

Brian Fuente (musician) - PW

Brian Fuente is one of Jackson's most talented young musicians.  I knew nothing about him before going to listen to him for a writing assignment.  I liked him, then became a fan.  I wish someone in the business would give him a fair shake.  He's really, really good.

"Geek Flag Ideologies" (column) - PW

This one turned out to be one of my most popular columns online - and nobody made fun.  It turns out that lots of our readers were geeks.  Big surprise.  It turns out that lots of people nowadays are geeks.  And why not?  Geeks really do make the world go 'round.  We actually had a love-fest online for about three weeks as people shared the stories and admitted which Doctor they loved best.  It died out eventually, as all good threads do, but this throwaway column became one of my favorites because I found out how many of these tough, mean-spirited Jacksonians proudly flew their geek flags.

"Head Versus Heart" (column) - PW

This one is serious, and I won't make any comment, except to say that it cost us readers and advertisers.  About a month after it ran, we actually gained half a dozen advertisers who wanted to come aboard, but were afraid to do so after I had written this.  In the end, we took a bit of a loss, but not too much.

"The Healing Power of Violence" (column) - PW

This one led to a message online that read, "I guess all liberals aren't alike.  I suppose I'd better leave that big stroller at home."  I responded that I didn't mind the big strollers, so long as he left them in the street with the other SUV's.  A few months later, at an art event, I met the woman who wrote the message.  She was geniunely funny - and had a ginormous all-terrain stroller.

International Museum of Muslim Cultures (museum) - PW

This is the kind of piece that made me love Mississippi.  When we printed this, the only (and I mean only) complaints we got were from two people from Alabama.  One was a guy who logged on and fussed, sight unseen, about them "damn terrorists."  The second was an Alabama girl who knew 'me' from some boards on IMDb and followed me on Planet's site.  She couldn't believe we'd waste space on the Muslims and blasted on the site.  I cut ties with her, but we left her comments up.  That was the only bad feedback we got.  Most of what we got was, "I've been there.  It's pretty cool."  It is.  I'm not Muslim, and neither is about 98% of the people who go, but it's refreshing to see a place that takes the time to educate you about a people you should know more about - and about how positively they've affected the direction of the world.

Darrah Johnson interview ("Survivor") - PW

Darrah was Mississippi's first entry into the world of Survivor - and was fondly remembered as 'the girl that took the shower.'  She was very pretty, genuinely very sweet, and - trust me - a lot smarter than you thought she was.  When I did this short interview, she was already becoming a canny interviewee. 

Mayor Harvey Johnson (Mayor of Jackson, MS) - PW

I seemed to happier with this piece than most of our readers.  I think this was because it was originally planned as one thing, but became another.  There really is no one to blame for that; it just happened.  I'd been doing a series of interviews on Jackson's Urban Redevelopment.  I thought a nifty third part would be talking to the only mayor in history who'd taken an active role in trying to clean up the city.  That was the plan.  However, we also decided to use the interview to go along with the first issue of a new graphical look, and it was the beginnings of election season.  As such, the series was faded into the background and it looked like more of a standalone interview.  Because of that, I was accused of tossing softball questions at the mayor, which I can't deny.  Worse yet, I was a Harvey Johnson supporter, which I won't deny.  I wish the interview had come out more like I had originally planned, but I've always been personally pleased with it.

Julep restaurant (press release)

I love me some Julep.  I won't lie.  I've written about them.  I've reviewed them.  If the world was a fair place, some major food reviewer would leave the whole New York-Dallas-Chicago-San Francisco-L.A. scene and find his way to Jackson, eat at Julep, and write about it as if its the Second Coming.  That may be overstatement, but not by much.

Last of the Mississippi Jukes (press release)

I like doing press releases.  It's a challenge to get as much information out there, in as little space as possible.  This was my very first paid release.  It's here for sentimental reasons.

"Magic on the Court" (sports) - PW

This was one of the first pieces I did that I was thoroughly proud of.  It was a hoot hanging out with these guys, and I did my best to make sure their personalities came out in the piece.  Ever since, it became a standard in my pieces to do that.

Dr. Ronald Mason (president of Jackson State) - PW

Over about a year, Planet Weekly was doing a series of interviews with the presidents of the local colleges and universities:  Belhaven College, Millsaps College, Hines County Community College, Tougaloo College, and Jackson State University.  Each school was done by a different writer (which turned out well), and I was assigned Dr. Mason of JSU.  It is my belief that he has the most dangerous intellect I've ever seen.  He is brilliant and knows exactly what he's saying and doing.  I still remain in awe of his brain.

Metal Finishing Services (Metro Business Chronicle)

I did some work for a business paper run by a pretty well-known Libertarian, Jack Criss.  Though politically we didn't agree, I liked the way he had writers shine a light on the various businesses and businessmen of central Mississippi.  I found that it's easy to write about anyone who is passionate about what they do.  Everyone I interviewed for MBC was passionate about their work.  I picked this piece, because the field in which he works seems so dull to those of us who don't understand it, but so necessary and worthy for those who do.

New Life for Women (rehabilitation) - PW

I won't say much about this one, except that New Life for Women is one of the worthiest causes I've ever seen.  It was brought to my attention by my friend and neighbor, Debbie Parks, who introduced me to the people who run it.  Debbie graduated from New Life several years ago, but not before the damage was done.  She had cirrhosis, which turned to cancer, which killed her last year.  But she was clean and sober from the time she left New Life until the end.  They're not just good people; they're the best.  I miss you, Miss Debbie.

New Vibrations (business) - PW

This one's here because, for no reason whatsoever, this is one of my favorite short pieces - and Karen Parker is one of my favorite Jacksonians.  If you're ever there, go see her.

"People Are Afraid" (column) - PW

Couple of things about this one:  Kane Ditto was the mayor of Jackson during its gunfights-in-the-streets early '90s days; yes, it's stat-heavy; yes, my stats are correct; and yes, I supported Harvey Johnson.  In fact, only Planet Weekly and the Jackson Free Press didn't support Frank Melton.  The daily paper, the television stations, the radio stations, and the pundits all supported Frank Melton.  Melton won in a landslide and is now considered one of the laughingstocks of the political world.  Jacksonians got the mayor they deserved.  Fear and stupidity are a powerful mix. 

"The Politics of Death" (column) - PW

There are no punchlines with this one.

"Pop-Up Prophecy" (short film produced by Krauscape Films)

This needs no explanation.  You already read it over at the Washroom.  I just want to add that it took 12 hours to film and it's been edited to about 4 different lengths - 3 minutes, 5 minutes, 7 minutes, and 9 minutes.  This should demonstrate to budding screenwriters just what a film crew can and will do when they interpret your script.  The YouTube version is the 7-minute (6:55) version.  I think it's pretty much the best, but what do I know?  I'm just a writer.

Rebekah Potter (artist) - PW

This was unquestionably my most informal interview - and it seemed perfect for the subject.  We met in her kitchen while she made pizza dough, and I questioned her with off-hand comments.  I considered it an interview version of her work - "not a rectangle."  She liked it well enough that gifted me with a 5' x 4' piece of art that I had admired in her studio.  It's vaguely rectangular, has no real corners, is folded in places, stitched, battered, taped (and all this the way she made it), and goes everywhere with me.  Like all great art, wherever I hang it, it's perfect.

"The Predator Connection" (column) - PW

For the record, this appeared in print, five days before "Saturday Night Live" went over much of the same ground (of course, they didn't have the Sonny Landham connection, so I've got them there).  Unlike the blogger who ripped off my Iggy Pop reference, I'm not fussing at SNL.  It takes a week to set up and rehearse their sketches.  I'm saying I'm happy that we came up with these ideas about the same time.  It's just that mine saw print before theirs saw air.  Don't nobody go saying I ripped off the Not-Ready-For-Prime-Time-Players.  Great (and sick) minds really do think alike.

"Pronounced Cha-ne" (Yall Magazine)

When I was living in Portland, Maine, I even saw some of his stickers there and wondered about them.  I hope he'll break big someday.  This was my first piece for Yall, when they said they wanted to write about interesting Southern people, without it looking like a Southern People magazine.

Rammer Jammer Yellowhammer (book review) - PW

Mississippians love their books.  They have to, what with being the state known for Faulkner, Welty, Tennessee Williams, John Grisham, and others.  Planet readers were astonishingly literate and one of our constants was our book section.  We did small book reviews and had lists of regular book signings, and every now and then I'd do a book review (we had an editor and several freelancers who loved to do them).  This was just one of my favorites.

"A Random Bit of Twaddle, Geeks, and Frank Melton & the Maytals" (column) - PW

Every now and then, I'd run a column of just random thoughts and wanderings.  This one was one of my favorites, because it wasn't really that at all.  It was more an illustration of my frustration with the election and my inability to do anything about it.  I also included it, because it had an in-column follow up to "Geek Flag Ideologies" that I liked.

Rugby (sports) - PW

This was undoubtably the hardest story I ever had to write - and I blame them.  You see, the only way they would be interviewed is if I would come join them at a house party and drink with them.  Now I am a drinker, so I said I would.  But I brought my micro-cassette recorder and three tapes, and the last two tapes were useless.  I couldn't tell what I was asking, let alone what any of them were answering.  Though, in moments of some lucidity, I could tell we were discussing Iraq, the tax base, Canadian girls, and the NFL.  But, as God as my witness, everything in the story had to come off the first tape (and most of that was off the first side of the first tape).  These guys say they've never lost a party.  They're not lying.

"Run, Rudolph, Run" (column) - PW

This was one of my 'angry' political columns that attracted me attention from a certain fringe group I'll call neo-conservatives.  They're the ones that sent in letters, demanding I be 1) fired or 2) killed.  They went online and bravely called me anti-American, communist, and all that noise.  At this point, I'd had half a dozen death threats (all of them turned over to Hines County Sheriff's Department) and I was enjoying pissing them off every week.  I will say, though, that when this story broke, it infuriated me like little else had since the war started.

"Wasteland" (fiction) - New Blood magazine

This has been off my radar for so long, it's not even funny.  "Wasteland" was the first creative thing I ever wrote and completed.  But I didn't do it the way most people would - or, to be honest, the way any normal human would.  To help feel what the narrator was feeling, I stayed awake for 62 straight hours, watching TV and listening to music.  When I knew I couldn't stay awake much longer, I sat down at the computer and wrote this in about one hour.  So, yes, it's ugly and amateurish.  I'll be the first to admit it - hell, I'll announce it.  But it was also an experiment, and I'm pretty glad I did it.  This was back in 1991 or 1992, and I - prodded on by a couple of buddies - submitted this to one small magazine called New Blood that said that they wanted weird, urban, psychological or horror stories.  We sent them "Wasteland."  They bought it.  This is probably the reason they went out of business.  But I thank them.  They were my first, and so is this.

This is rated R - for vulgarity, sexuality, drug use, and gross stupidity.

"Santa Claus' Political Affiliations (With Footnotes)" (column) - PW

There is no reason for this, but this is one of my favorite columns of all time, bar none.

"Where the Hell Are Them Chemical Weapons?" (column) - PW

This column was responsible for my first two death threats.  Yep, when it was published, I received my first two within two days, each one coming via email, and each one telling me how I was going to die and for what reasons (the usual - anti-American, unpatriotic, liberal, and so on...)  Upon reflection, I think they mistook the term "hate mail" at the bottom of my blurb for "death threats."  At the time, people hated everything I wrote (not the columns - just my opinions), and were happy to send in four or five pieces of hate mail a week.  I decided to mention hate mail that week.  The results were death threats.  I never again mentioned hate mail; it seemed a bit short-sighted to do so.  But I never backed off my anti-war position and I never toned it down.  I also didn't live in fear.  I turned over the death threats to the sheriff's department.  I received four or five more (I honestly can't remember how many it was) and didn't worry about it.  None of these twerps ever killed me, so I got that going for me, which is nice.

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